Morning After

I crossed the border into the state of Maryland and it started to hit me: I’m no longer a seminarian…

My last week in seminary was really nuts. Between finishing my 8-day silent retreat, priestly ordinations in Ottawa, driving back to Toronto, packing stuff to go home and finally driving home I was left exhausted. It was all a blur.

Sean and I drove back to Toronto after ordinations and we were trying to chat about what our experience had been during the retreat, but we barely scratched the surface. As soon as we got to Toronto both of us began to pack to go home: Sean for the summer, and I for good. It was really frustrating trying to pack. Finally at 11pm Sean and I sat down to chat a bit, but it was tough since he needed to get to bed soon, and we were both falling asleep as we tried to talk. The next day we said our goodbyes and off he went. My dad showed up the next day to pick me up at 6am. With tear filled eyes I hugged the priests: my brothers, my family for the last two years and said goodbye. Our relationships would never be the same again.

After a 10-hour drive I got home to D.C. and began to unpack. It was really weird being home. Feelings of ‘I failed, I messed up, etc.’ filled my mind, but thankfully I was able to shake them off quickly. After unpacking all my stuff I lay down in bed and sighed. “I’m home…” was all I could say. The month of May had flown by so quickly and leaving seminary had been so rushed. It just felt way too rushed and I knew I wanted to relax and process through the last few days. I slept a deep sleep that first night and woke up the next morning to the realization that I needed to find a job in a country where the economy was pretty crappy. I sent a few e-mails out to some of the Diocesan folks in Arlington to see if there were any openings in Youth Ministry. By the grace of God there were two, and I applied for both. Both places offered me the position, but I chose the one that at first I wanted nothing to do with. God is funny like that. After 4 days of being back I had a job—how blessed am I!

So two months have gone by and I am completely and totally at peace with leaving seminary. I’ve bumped into many people from Church and my area whom I was a bit hesitant to tell the news, but once I did everyone was just as excited for me as I was. For whatever reason I felt like people would be disappointed in me, but that was not so, if anything, people were supportive and patting me on the back for a good job. One person, after telling them how excited I was, said, “How can you not be excited about doing what God wants?” He was right. After years of trying to figure out God’s will for me in the area of discerning the priesthood He had finally shown me my way. Woohoo!!!

I am no longer in mourning about not pursuing the priesthood. I thought it would take me much longer to process this, but again, God has surprised me in how easy this transition has been. I surely thought I would have months of sadness and mourning, after all, I had thought for many years that I would be a priest. Some of the CC priest before leaving said, “Don’t be surprised if God calls you back to seminary. It happens.” In all honesty I would welcome it with open arms—it was what I originally had wanted to do with my life! I don’t know what the future holds for me, but that is fine because I know Who holds the future.

My vocation (little ‘v’ vocation) as a Youth Minister is one that I absolutely love and am working on very much. I never realized how good I was at this, so I am very excited to be the Director of a parish that has 14,000+ people, many of whom are teenagers I will be responsible for. Umm…that sounds a bit intimidating, but it’s going to be great!

So the morning after was not so bad. Rushed and not quite what I would have chosen, and honestly, if I could do it all over again I probably would change some things. My spiritual director said that the peace and joy that I am currently feeling is due to my generosity with God, “You gave yourself to Him for these two years. You were willing to set everything aside for Him to do what He wanted with you. That kind of generosity, that faithfulness is something God honors and rewards.” I cannot imagine not giving God permission to do whatever He wants with me. He made me! If anything, we should all be bending over backwards to do His bidding.

I know this is just the next step of my journey with the Lord. There are many more years of discernment, reflection and tough questions—that’s life I guess. I am so thankful for the 2 years in seminary. Twenty years outside seminary could not have accomplished what two years in it did. The schooling, life experience, pastoral experience, and so on have proven to be awesome preparation for life in whatever way it manifests itself.

So I close this section of my seminary blog for good. Many have asked me to continue writing. I guess people do read this! The writing that I will do from now on will be random things as God presents them to me. What ends up happening half of the time is something will pop into my heart and I will pray about it and feel inspired to write. Whatever I write about ends up becoming a teaching of some sort for Youth Ministry or other things I am invited to speak at.
Thank you all for following me in this journey. For praying, crying and laughing with me. Without all of your prayers this journey would have been a lot tougher and not as joyful.

Blessings,

LEO